I was born in Glasgow, Scotland and, for as long as I can remember, I had shaky hands. When I was at school I always worried that the teacher would ask me to write something up on the board – I just knew that my shaky hands would make a mess of things – but luckily it never happened to me.

One day I mentioned it to the Doctor and her diagnosis was that I lacked confidence. While it may be true that I did lack confidence I was not convinced that this was causing the shakiness.

It was always something I had to live with and I became more self-conscious as I got older. The increase in self-consciousness came about as people around me would look and react when they saw my hands shake. It was hard to cope with shaky hands when people are looking at you and making assumptions without knowing anything about you.

I was determined to not let shaky hands limit what I wanted to do. I learned to play the flute in the school orchestra. Unfortunately it proved quite difficult and when I was nervous even my bottom lip would shake! It was obvious I had no special talent for playing the flute anyway so the musical world could easily manage without me.

I also decided to work in a pub to make some extra money. I knew I could not be a waitress. The idea of holding a tray of drinks and serving was just not a possibility for me but what I did for a couple of years was to serve behind a bar. When people commented on my shaky hands I would always make the joke that I had a hangover! It was a good excuse.

When I moved overseas to Denmark I paid a visit to a Dermatologist. I was buttoning up my cardigan and he asked me if I was cold. When I answered no, he asked why I was nervous. I replied that I was not nervous and then he asked about my shaking hands. I explained that I had always had this and he was amazed. He just could not accept that a person's hands could shake like this. He sent me for blood tests but they did not provide any clue to why my hands shook.

While living in Denmark I joined a Scottish Country Dancing Group and became an active member. During one of the dancing classes a gentleman whispered in rather a loud voice that my hands shook all the time while I was dancing. I was mortified to find that other dancers could feel the shakiness of my hands. Yet another stigma to try and cope with but it did not stop me! I even went on to become a demonstration dancer – shaky hands or not.

It was finally when I was in my mid-thirties and living in Germany that my doctor told me that I suffered from a condition called Essential Tremor. I was absolutely amazed that finally this "thing" had a name. Unknown to me, my German colleagues had been concerned as they could see that I had shaky hands. At first nobody discussed it with me and they had been talking about this amongst themselves. I was finally questioned about and I was pleased that I could actually explain what it was and give them some information about it. I think they were under the impression that I had a drink problem!

Over the years you learn to cope with the shakiness as best as you can. You learn to hide things from people or draw their attention away from whatever you can. I have worked with people for years and they have not been aware that my hands shook. I always keep my hands out of sight as much as I can. Whenever I had to do presentations I made sure that somebody could help me or I would manage to set it up so I did not have to write anything. Buffet dinners are the worst but I have noticed a glass or two of wine helps tremendously. Sometimes you cannot hide it and there are always two options, i.e. you just do what you have to do and people can think what they want or you tell them what you have and still let them think what they want.

With me the funny thing is that I am not always aware of how bad I shake. I think my mind switches off to it sometimes. The first time I came across another person with the "shakes" was when I was working behind a bar in Glasgow. First of all I was amazed to find another person who also had the shakes but then I was also amazed at how badly her hands shook. I asked one close friend if my hands shook as badly as that because I was convinced that this person had it much worse than me. To my utter shock my friend told me that my shaky hands were much worse! This surprised me.

There are some things that I just cannot do and as I get older I am finding some things harder. Using a screwdriver is just a no go area for me as it leads to total frustration and tears. So I just do not go there. I am now finding writing harder and harder so I just do not do it. Luckily I am a touch typist and can type everything (well almost everything). Now I am currently finding it harder and harder to use the mouse at work. In my line of work I must be able to use a computer/mouse. There is no other option. Luckily through Robyn at the NZ Essential Tremor Support Group I managed to purchase a specially designed mouse that helps compensate for the tremor. This has been absolute lifesaver for me. While there is no doubt that other things will become more challenging over time I am determined to not let these things get me down and just work my way around whatever I have to work around. That is why it is good to meet with other ET people and be able to share our stories and tips. It's also great to be together and be so relaxed to know that you can shake as much as you like and people will not pass judgement. It is not often that I am an environment with a lot of other people where you can feel this level of easiness.